If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
