it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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