So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
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