Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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