Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
