a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Randomize
