At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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