Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
