I smell stomach acid.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
