are you still at the devil's house?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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