we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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