this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
