Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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