I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
