We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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