I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
