Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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