it wasn't lemon gatorade
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
