singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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