just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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