hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
