is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
