tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Randomize
