Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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