No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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