He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
