haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
