dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
