I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
What drink are we having for lunch?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Randomize
