I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
