Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
