I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
