Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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