A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
