96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
