well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
please don't ironically join a cult
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