Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i think i have two assholes
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
