Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
