apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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