oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
