i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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