I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
