i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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