Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
