he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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