I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
