I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
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