plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
