I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
