Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
