theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
