end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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