plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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